The Nineties Were a Mistake

Decades ago, humanity escaped the eighties only to stumble into the nineties wearing shoulder pads like we were all auditioning to be linebackers in a corporate dystopia. As a kid, I found my mother's padded blazers deeply threatening—like her clothes were preparing for combat I wasn't cleared to know about. The only redeeming feature of that cursed decade? Long, simple necklaces that didn't look like they were compensating for anything.

This one's for the humans with alternative style—the ones whose bookshelf includes the Anarchist Cookbook (for 'research purposes'), and who were listening to Skinny Puppy years before the CIA discovered their enhanced interrogation potential.